Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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