I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
