Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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