ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
