You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
