She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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