Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
