Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
