My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
