ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
