we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
