Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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