Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
