CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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