That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
