i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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