I want to make a zoo with you.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
