I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
