Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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