Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
