i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
