Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
