i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
