you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
