i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
