so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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