Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
