speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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