if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
