Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
