No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
