I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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