I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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