Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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