btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
