I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
