Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
