You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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