I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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