I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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