I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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