You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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