Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
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