I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
should my penis look like a turkey
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
