You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
