I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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