Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
