Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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