Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
