Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How does it feel to date your dad?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
