I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
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