good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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