just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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