At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My bed smells like the plague
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